The Sting of Mother's Day When Coping With Infertility

Holidays are tough when you're going through infertility. Whether it's your relatives asking why you don't have kids yet, or your sister-in-law complaining about her 3 kids that she popped out one after the other and callously tells you you can have hers, or your cousin making her pregnancy announcement, or children showing up at your door to spread the cheer. But no holiday stings more than Mother's Day.

Sure, you're thankful for your mother (unless she's adding insult to injury by telling you about so-and-so's new baby), but truthfully, Mother's Day is just a horrible reminder of what you're not, what you want so desperately to become and even, perhaps, what you might never become. Strangers will wish you a happy Mother's Day, oblivious to your heartache hidden behind your silence. But, for someone coping with infertility, every day feels like Mother's Day, so by the time that one Sunday in May rolls around, it's like another gallon of salt poured on the wound.

If only Mother's Day was contained into a single day (you could just sleep through it), but no, instead TV shows, magazines, advertisers spend at least two weeks gearing up for the big day. Segments like "What to get for Mother's Day," or "The special mom of the year" seem to make up a large portion of programming. And just when you think you're coming up for air with a commercial break, advertisers have to scream about their Mother's Day sales or promotions with images of unattainable motherhood/parenthood. You might try to hide in the darkness and anonymity of a movie theater only to be bombarded by the "Babies" trailer (and no, I'm not creating a link to it). Seriously?! It's like a conspiracy.

I don't think there's a good way to deal with Mother's Day, but if you are lucky enough to have a loving partner, then make it a date-day and do things that don't involve families: take a romantic bath together, eat at a fancy restaurant, go see an R rated movie. Also, there isn't enough that could be said about taking solace in your fellow infertile friends. They understand your isolation and the tragic pain of Mother's Day, so get together with them -- there's (emotional) strength in numbers.

No matter which way you go on Mother's Day, I want you to make the day about you and the fragile feelings that need to be sheltered from this Hallmark holiday. After all, Mother's Day is about showing appreciation for a mother's hard work, well I say, no one is more committed and hard working than a woman trying to have a baby. So here's to you my fellow infertiles!