Always Hope but Never Forget

In our shared journeys through infertility, most of us will experience loss. Loss comes in so many forms: loss of hope, loss of belief, loss of embryos, loss of a pregnancy, and worst of all, loss of a child. So today, on Pregnancy and Infant Loss Remembrance Day, I took a few moments to think of the three babies-to-be that I lost along the way. I thought of the months of treatment leading to each pregnancy, the ambivalent joy I felt at the news, and the ineffable sadness that stayed in my heart as I slowly picked up and dusted off "hope" from the rubble of my life.

When you're dealing with infertility, it feels like everyday is a loss remembrance day. But as we try to keep our chin up and fight through the pain, it's important to have a day when we can allow ourselves to feel again; to think of the what-ifs of pregnancies lost (and even cycles waisted).

Like the differences of our infertility paths, we have differences in our losses. We isolate ourselves and forget that there are countless others who are or have experienced a similar loss. The I Am The Face campaign is a visual reminder that we are one of thousands of individuals who share a pain that only those who have lost can really understand.

While the loss of my early pregnancies crushed me, I cannot even begin to imagine the loss of a late-term pregnancy and/or the loss of an infant. Once you feel that baby moving around and then actually hold him/her, a piece of you and of your heart must die with them. To look at my son today and imagine losing him at any point makes my heart ache. So when I look through the wall pictures on I Am The Face, I wonder what kind of pain is behind most of those smiling faces. I wonder how they experienced the loss. Where they are in their journeys. How they are remembering those little embryos/babies/infants.

If you're stopping by, I'd like to hear your stories of loss so I can think of you individually today.